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Här samlar jag bra exempel från Jan Stenmarks skämtteckningar.
Jag lägger hela tiden till nya bilder så återkom gärna.

Here I collect good examples from Jan Stenmark's cartoons.
I always add new pictures so feel free to come back.
(Some are very hard to translate)

The aggression has many times saved me from crying out
among people who have already begun to despise me

You never do anything!
I´m the one who is moving when we´re having sex.

Job interview. Very important smile.

Arne managed to turn his big ass to his advantage.

That they were not small girls, that it was the distance that made them small,
I understood that. They didn´t have to shout that to me.

Pulling away the chair for her was a boost,
but of course the trick with the holding pin was destroyed.

That the boy plays with dolls is not so worrying.
But when we hear pump sounds...

Behind me, I imagined, was someone who thought I was sexy as well.

Childhood is the bread. Then we live on crumbs.

The babysitter

Treat me like an animal! I do! Not like an animal lover!

- Don´t be afraid!
- We are gays.
- we just want to be your friends.

She had got breasts, but no horse.

Charm, that it should be so hard to have it.

The days were so hellish that he called his nightmares cozy thrillers.

On the one hand, I did not risk being discovered,
and on the other hand, it left more to the imagination.

Partly it was the absurd that I´ve become a father,
partly a suddenly remembered Beetle Bailey strip.

One hand was not mine, which was something new to me.

That boring autumn when I got too old to steal apples
and had not yet started sleeping with his wife.

I hid this magazine under the mattress when I was a teenager, to confuse my mother.

The untrained postman misses grossly.

Those who had a knife in them, often exaggerate the size of it.

Those who rape a lion almost have my admiration.

Those who opened their advent calendars in advance
often continue with other addictions.

The bitter memory of all the fish liver oil, which he as an orphan had to force himself to eat.

There was almost a short circuit in my readers letter's brain.

The wind blew so hard that freckles came loose.

It started with birds, until I knew the name of every single one.
I had no idea what the girls' names were.

The old saying "If you give them a little finger, they take the whole hand", is not true.

It had already started. She smiled at the photographer.

There is nothing demeaning about me thinking of her as my Mondaysex.
We were simply together for a single day, a Monday.

What appears to be listlessness and bad posture can, in fact,
be a strong inner joy over a pair of new fashionable shoes.

There's a man on the balcony. It's her own husband.
So she does not scream even though she wants to scream.

It looked like I was going to have to throw away dogs.

It was that damn Bosse Hägglund who made the detective club dissolve.

It was a so-called win-win situation.
While my heart was pounding for her, it also kept me alive.

It was only at an evening course in croquet that
I fully understood how complicated women are.

It was not a lone maniac. It was the whole of Härnösand.

It was not so much Dad's strap as a precocious longing
for the Reeperbahn that drove me to sea.

It was not Santa, it was the fish crazy Mr Bertilsson who came by to talk about barracuda.

It was Nilsson, the night porter at the Ritz, who walked around
the neighborhood and asked people if they did not want to stay in a hotel instead.

It was probably the slowest giraffe I've seen.
For a long time I thought it lived in the chimney.

They were obsessed with the present.
That I was cute as a child was completely irrelevant to them.

The smell of freshly washed sheets took me so far back
in time that I moaned with a child's voice.

On the radio they say that short skirts are out and I went to the window like another idiot.

Women working double, that sexy groan.

You're drunk for the first time. Happy. You would not even want to change with a train driver.

Where I had parked the car, there was now a giant pepper mill in about the same price range.

There was another sparrow, and I had not finished looking at the first one.

Because we played football, not fly agaric, the goal was ruled out.

A used condom floated past in the dirty water.
Yes, that love, that love, we exclaimed almost at the same time.

A bent back in a downed chair in a company that is going bankrupt
- doesn´t the memory of all our fathers look something like that?

Some are too stupid to have anxiety. That's smart.

An ordinary day in Herbert's head.

A dog howls at the paved garage driveway.
How to make asphalt ?, it howls.

A most unpleasant man whose only mitigating
circumstance was that he was from southern Stockholm.

A highlight was that time when I woke up covered in vomit on the
night bus and thought that a new lover had served me breakfast.

A famous TV presenter fights out in the stairwell, as famous TV presenters
usually do when they are not on TV smiling and pretending.

According to her, I was not myself.
As if the sea were not the sea when it is a storm.

A crying herring is a crying herring even if he wears
a horse mask and calls himself a crying stallion.

The one-room apartment.

A true friend shits himself when I have done it.

A funnel, a cat, a hat and a laugh. One senses a trap.

A friendly look from the lady at the checkout and I was the center of the world again.

A stupid whim that turned out to work.

A memory like this is worth its weight in gold if you find the right buyer.

For a while I was completely confused.
It was the stain removal bottle that had overturned.

Euphoria - was that not what you could feel until you understood what the word meant?

Damn, you really bark! Do you have a dog in your mouth?

Dad had filmed when I was born. Now he showed the film backwards.

Warning for the fish!
Dad can´t lie and we only had a fish tank.

Although he bought a whole kilo of bananas,
he had that deeply human need to cling to one.

Wrong aluminium in the aluminium he shouts.
It's stuck. It takes root.

I have five apples to throw out. Then the fun is over.

Until little Hampus got a female from me,
our lives were pretty much identical.

Strangers broke into my room and took me away to their country.

Makes me think of Hasse Alfredson. He grew up in a house.

For me who already then knew I would speak about my
life on radio, this was really like a goldmine.

At first I did not understand that it was my wife.
The sounds she made were unfamiliar to me.

First of all, it was my father who taught me to swim.

At first she thought he was in the middle of a jump.

At first he was our idol because he could hold his breath for
so long and then everything was tragedy, tragedy.

The neighbour's response to that my grass was greener.

Are you crying Plutten, you were so happy just now?
Yes, it used to be better in the old days.

Porridge under leaves has never hurt anyone.

The old man with the baby legs was allowed to join.

God is everywhere, he asserted stubbornly, and struck wildly around him.

God, if I only had a woman.... or if I were one?

Gudrun's goldfish had died, but when she stirred with a ladle,
the difference was not so great.

Had I been a little more handsome, I would have been happy with Ingrid,
and if I had been a little uglier, I would have been happy with Maud.

He ordered a Chateau Cos d´Estournel-86 and I with my background of course thought it was the percentage.

He dreams of closeness. About being able to exchange binoculars for a magnifying glass.

He hadn´t laughed so much since the war.

He had intended to drown himself in the well, saw his face at
the bottom of it and then thought it had already been done.

He called it "preparing with the neighbour".

His girlfriend´s colleague´s husband´s cousin´s
neighbour in the countryside was a balloon.

He screamed and he shouted but now it was actually my turn to have the swim ring for a while.

His somewhat elaborate approaches could take on the most touching expressions.

He never got tired of shooting the poor moose.

He did not want to talk about their relationship. He wanted to observe fruit.

He's not into unnecessary talk. He gathers them all and says it´s over.

-He is afraid of everything.
- In a week he will only be afraid of me.

Do you have a wolf inside of yourself, Cissi, I asked Kerstin, and she
just stared at me as if I were a clothesline that the sun had just set in front of.

- Have you forgot what day it is today?
- No, when I have read the newspaper you will receive it as a gift.

Hasse dropped out of high school during a school trip.

Hi, she said, and I did not say anything, because the echo took care of that thing.

All that summer I played that I was a peasant boy
who disappeared farther and farther into madness.

Visiting rich people´s homes. The Christmas decorations room.

At home, there was no talk of a god - except on Saturday nights when he was shouted straight out.

My God, what are you thinking about? Thinking and thinking, I'm not a thinker like you father.

The ways of the Lord are truly mysterious. I was saved during a tenant-owner association meeting.

The hibiscus people lived in a large hibiscus and Larsa Lindström was their face outwards.

She asks if both rails go the same distance. Otherwise she does not want to go by train.

She had asked me to buy grapes - but how many had she said?

She had with her two bags, one with ducks, one with bread.

She is wearing her new red dress. Too red thinks an evil pine tree.

She has travelled all the way from Växjö to throw the engagement ring in my face, and she misses.

She knows no English. She's too young. Says, for example, Martin Luther Kung.

She may work as a teacher, or "teacher" as it is called in one of the languages she maybe teaches.

She was probably older than thirty, but for me she was brand new.

She loved me above everything else in the world. A soulmate in other words.

The hope of someone with only one set of clothes is probably the last thing that dies.

Pouring sauce powder on rabbits and thinking the food is ready.

Healthier than smoking but socially stigmatizing.

Hear how the bees buzz and the flowers shut up.

Sometimes I wished I was her. Then I would have been in love too.

In a dream you never really know how you will react.
You can be afraid of a squirrel or fall in love with one.

In a dream where the women were birds, I was a tallow ball.

If the gap had been a little higher up, I would have looked just like Adolf Hitler.

For many years I did not dare to pass older people, in the belief that
I would then pass them in terms of age and thus die first.

Dentist. No holes! Did you think so?

No intellectual bastard should come and impress us ordinary athletes.

Into the stove. It was his usual way of escaping from all responsibility.

It wasn´t only her, everyone thought he was an idiot.

Oranges did not help. I was already on my way to the nearest liquor store.

I did not know that I was blocking the view of my sister.

It´s not Tuesday today, right? No, I saved yesterday's semla bun to confuse you.

Instead of writing, I tore the paper to pieces. Instead of being a writer, I became an artist.

Instead of a kilo of grapes, she bought two. She was so crazy.

Instead of changing my diet, I chose places that were not beaches.

In each group there was one person who was in command of the view.

I accused myself that I had not long ago noticed these signs of a dawning defiance in Agnes

I never used to have stomach problems, and she had thought I had left her for good.

I still didn´t realize that I had actually fled from it all.

I had everything you could wish for, a family to come home to and a family to escape from.

I had managed to make an ointment that made me invisible and so I ruined everything with my prudery.

I'm not menstruating, I have murdered! he shouted, but no one believed him.

I have been among posh people. I have heard "urine rat"
growled and "excrement boot" screamed.

I hated the city and just wanted to come out of there.
Which, of course, in a way, I already did because I was born there.

I called her Jönsson half the night, before she told me she just shared the apartment.

I entered a room whose window faced the interior of a sick human being.

I compensated for my pale skin with brown swimming trunks.

I soon came to the conclusion that it would be quicker to steal jam.

I was not looking for mushrooms. I was looking for a god.

I enjoyed it to the fullest, and then I still just lay in the bushes and watched.

I said I was married, so she would not think I just wanted her because I was alone.

I said I loved autumn. She said that autumn is spring for the coward. I said I had said I loved the horse.

I drank my beer calmly. During the desperate late hours,
there was always someone willing to redefine their image of the dream prince.

I turned down the heat to get a topic of conversation.

I saw a pile of snow that was similar to the feeling I have.

I got into the habit of never changing underwear. In this way,
it became something of a relief to return home alone.

I thought it was dad who was Santa, but it was me!

I actually thought it was a pair of binoculars and that she was stupid.

I thought I was alone, but afterwards I was told that the scrotum had been seen.

I thought it was underwear weather but it was even warmer.

I was a real charming troll, so it was
important not to get the tail in the wheel.

I was a seeker but no finder.

I was happily married but with too few.

I was special when I was a kid.
I had put it there myself. (Kick here, hard!)

I know that you should not judge people, but ever since my father
beat me because I swore at the breakfast table, I hate Swedes.

I wanted to enjoy life, but I backed off.

I wanted to see the midsummer pole, not the idiots around it.

I knew it myself. I was not a good child.

I knew exactly where I was, but as a tourist you want to ask about directions.

I only dared to approach women when I had been drinking and it wasn´t an easy thing even then.

I'm not a real doctor, he admitted. I'm the kind of doctor children pretend to be.

I'm a furrier, I shouted, to get the shit knocked out of me once and for all.

Yes, I'm still talking about the same Jämtland, I shouted at the stupid kids.

Juhani was from Finland. Every day he was from Finland.

He woke up during the best part.
The tongue moves around in the empty nothing.

Fucking alcoholic! Shut up lamp!

Coffee in bed? Yes, thank you.

The cat that had recently died was his only point of reference.

The view of women was different then. Four and a half on new adventures.

Larsa's father was taller than mine. We saw that clearly now.

Lazy bastards, I thought.

Her smile that night was so big that there were no cheeks left to kiss her on.

Little Anna!

It was still cool to be born and raised in a city
that was in a province that looked like an Indian.

Life is good. As usual without my participation.

Life's journey may be difficult, but it is a one-way ticket.

Slowly, ominously slowly, he crossed the railway tracks,
he who did not get a place at acting school.

Let's call him X, the man who got a disproportionate amount of snow in his eyes.

Blahhh.... cooties!
Long, far too long, I had my childlike mind.

For a long time I lived in the delusion that pussy was called broom in English.

Sneaky fly agaric.

Mom, why is dad never helping us?
Cleaners don´t turn me on.

You are born, you bide your time, you step forward.

But she may not have had sex. It could be a Jesus.

- But why did you change sex, grandpa, and at your age?

- Women live longer.

My snorts were completely overwhelmed by their idiotic zest for life.

My joy did not concern her or the chewing gum. I was in my own world.

My orientation was such that I was reluctant
to look at geese when I felt observed.

My bike bell was broken but I would rather crash into people than saying "plingeling".

My son!

The only kiss of my life, and then I was not even conscious.

My Mom Dad Help! led to mom having to comfort
dad who was sad because he was mentioned last.

My goal is not to become the best,
but to already be best.

-Mom, but you've been dead for eight years!
-Yes, now it's the end of death.

Lake Mälaren is, despite its size, easy to count.

The killer, the victim and the victim's victim.

You're wondering, of course, why I'm carrying around a
floor lamp here in the woods. Such is my disposition.

I probably knew what I was doing, but not in that basic way as if I were me.

Normally she didn´t want to swim, but now that it didn´t work, she wanted to.

The nudist bath was deserted, but the sign was there all year round.

Now only a fiancée was missing.

You can thank animals for some of your best childhood memories.

Some Danish postmen had crossed the strait and continued
further north to provoke with their good spirit.

When the bottle was empty, he became nostalgic
and began to long for the time when it wasn´t.

When the neighbor played Black Sabbath for open windows,
Mona countered with Baudelaire.

When I was not allowed to join, I played civil war instead.

When you are sitting pretty, you can eat as much garlic as you like.

When you are happy, how ridiculous you behave, how happy you are.

When you are handsome, what does it matter that the ski poles are too short?

When Dad and that fat woman were in the cabin,
I had to drive the boat all by myself.

When the poster hung in the kitchen, she had not said a word
- and now suddenly I had a "sick mind"?

When the tears come, he crouches and pretends to be doing something technical.

When we were playing, it was probably just me who asked myself the question, why?

Oh a bottle of wine, a reindeer can not think that.
Wondering what it's thinking instead?

Accidents that did not affect myself personally,
I had once and for all decided to face them with a laugh.

If she shaved her armpits, that bastard could come with
the hammer and claim that she was doing a Hitler salute.

If I were the shit they claimed, they would hardly step on me.

If I were approaching death, I would also walk slowly.

If I were to repair the spokes for a while?

If you are not allowed to beat the one who is weaker than yourself,
then how will you ever be able to win?

If you pee on a rapeseed field, it is not easy to know when you are done.

If you spill beer on your pants, it may look like you have peed on yourself and vice versa.

Unnecessarily large hole maybe, but I was
hoping it would attract female ice swimmers.

Ornithologists without borders.

Daddy, daddy, have you bought any sweets?
Sweets? Do you think I am some kind of pedophile?

Dad was a pike for many years.
Then he had - as he said - if not better, at least other plans.

Pelle did not get any Saturday candy.
He was referred to dirty old men.

Suddenly we were so well paid that we could throw away tea.

Suddenly the camera zooms out and becomes interested in a clematis.

He is against pornography? Hmm..

Just like there are big old pikes, there are big old lemon butterflies

Just like in the fairy tale, I was turned into a swan, but I was not allowed to join anyway.

Principal Vallinder's butt was so big, when he swung around the corner of the house,
it looked for a moment as if a very small bust queen was heading in the other direction.

- Rickard!
- I am alright now!

Calling my mom naked is something.

The ring already felt heavy. I drove towards Mordor.

Things I would never dream of doing:
Looking in the mirror when my girlfriend has a migraine attack.

Things I would never dream of doing:
Splash dog poop on children.

Things I would never dream of doing:
Check the temperature on strangers.

Shh... I heard something. It's probably just a swan.

Then the neighbors came and showed just as little respect.

Do you also see small pink elephants?
Yes, of course, do you think I´m blind?

Sex is something beautiful, she used to say,
making sure I would not come too quickly.

Sivert had no nickname.

Sixten lived just a stone's throw away.

Should anyone catch us, it looked like we had just scored a goal.


Sniff, sniff, I smell a relative, chuckled Torsten
whose sister´s daughter she was.

Good-looking people sleep beautiful.

As a child, I was extremely gullible. They tricked me into the well.
They made me think I could speak German.

Falling asleep in one ice wake, waking up in another.

The bedroom door half opened was the only sex education I received.

Stefan, what are you doing?
I will rather die than going to a parents meeting and feeling left out again.

Sven-Erik was a mature child. Learned to read as a one-year-old, retired at seven.

I had been skinking this deep.

As happy as you can get from a couple of glasses of wine,
you should avoid being overwhelmed by the shortcomings of your loved ones.

As soon as she got into a car, she started thinking how many more kilometers she would live.

As long as my mother was around, I didn´t have to worry about the chimney sweep.

So true. While waiting for the prince you can enjoy yourself with dwarfs.

Thanks to increasing senility, they had forgotten that they hated each other.

The idea of diving from the highest to show the bastards turned five years old.

Mrs Andersson used to offer us cough drops or "boobie candy"
as she used to say when she was a bit drunk.

Take two, he said. I took three. I was ready for a fight.

During the coffee and cognac we had dropped the titles,
but in the wee hours they started calling me Sir again.

To my great disappointment, it was not me
receiving hug but he who had caught a fish.

Even an egocentric like me occasionally thought of others.

Look, a gray mouse, Anne-Marie shouted, who was both color-blind and dyslexic.

Look, a blast furnace! It's a tree branch. Yes, I used the wrong word.

Look, a flying saucer, she shouted.
But I was already looking at a Christmas gnome.

Look, how beautiful!
Yes, we should write poetry!

Torgny, where are you?
Director of studies, or did you ask where I was?

On the third of Advent, Dad had enough of Christmas.

Do you think you look good, huh? Do you think you have long blonde hair, huh?

Despite my condition, I was able to continue my
midsummer celebrations thanks to faithful friends.

Despite her poor grades, she was no dumber than she
threw the grades, and not herself in the river.

Apparently someone from the writing course had walked into the croquis.

What if there is nothing after death? What if all my kindness is in vain?

Uffe stole like a raven.
Once I found my ski wax in the pocket of his jacket.

Wondering what he's dreaming about? He dreams of Africa.
A large lion eats him. It's just fun.

The youth was now behind me, much like potato puree that you also pass.

Dressed up as a linking and adorable pony,
we approached the riding school.

What a pity? I myself have only two legs and no wings.

What the hell are you doing, cupboard corner creep!

What are you reading? When you asked I was reading tablespoon but now I´m reading butter.

What is more natural than drowning your horse where there is water.

Why her breasts got bigger and bigger was a thought that had not yet struck him.

Was I a pole vaulter or a stationmaster? Their curiosity was awakened.

Every night he took out his pornographic pictures, or "drawings" as he called them.

Every Thursday he was running away from home and
each time pea soup was the reason behind the decision.

What do you think of the wallpapers then? his father slurred,
though he was sober, afraid of appearing feminine.

The days of the week are as many as the dwarfs in Snow White - and finally it was Dopey.

This week´s lifesaver.
Pelle, please give me a pen and a paper!

Anyone could see that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
But I was not just anyone.

We used to tease Nisse because he was wearing glasses.
Once we took them from him, but then he started teasing us because we had glasses.

By this time, they had probably forgotten the clerk in the pet store. I was their master now.

We had a Hitler club in Hasse's basement.
Most of the time we played table tennis.

We had a new neighbour and I just cried and wanted to move.

We had not seen each other since middle school but I looked the same, she thought.

I was happy that they did not laugh at me, but at my clothes.

What anxiety! How will I handle this when I'm sober?

We humans need both the great love and the lonely tinkering in a corner of the garage.

We played Alfapet (scrabble) and he gave me a luvsnyting as proof of the word's existence

Admittedly a blank lottery ticket, but pink was my favourite colour.

Sure damn it hurt but I had not eaten in a week.

Of course I love you Elsa. You are no exception.

We were concrete kids and said no to twigs chirping and such stuff.

We were both so attractive that we did not dare to
stay in the same room as long as the children were awake.

We loved each other very much, but most of all we loved beavers.

Daring is a well-known aphrodisiac.

This spring´s first wood anemones,
and here I come with my big black shoes.

Värmland, she whispers. The world is expanding.

My friends stole apples and pears and plums.
I was the only one, as far as I know, who stole blinds.

Even with one or two experienced orienteers, she succeeded in sowing a seed of doubt.

My uncle also treated me like an adult.