Här samlar jag bra exempel från Jan Stenmarks skämtteckningar.
Jag lägger hela tiden till nya bilder så återkom gärna.

Here I collect good examples from Jan Stenmark's cartoons.
I always add new pictures so feel free to come back.
(Some are very hard to translate)


The aggression has many times saved me from crying out
among people who have already begun to despise me


You never do anything! - What? I´m the one
who is moving when we´re having sex.


All these hours with a crafts teacher who is now long dead.
His slightly bad breath over the planer bench.
Those hours are helplessly gone.


Everyone had been surprised when he died.
It was not like him at all.


Everything was from IKEA except the spiders.
They had their origin in the liquor store.


Everything was my fault. If my mom hadn´t found my pinup
magazines, maybe she would never had become a lesbian.


Job interview. Very important smile.


Used condoms here and there to brag.


Arne managed to turn his big ass to his advantage.


I agreed right away that bodybuilding should be an olympic sport.


That they were not small girls, that it was the distance that made
them small, I understood that. They didn´t have to shout that to me.


Pulling away the chair for her was a boost,
but of course the trick with the holding pin was destroyed.


That a burning baker looks longer than a burning
engineer depends solely on the baker's hat.


That the boy plays with dolls is not so worrying.
But when we hear pump sounds...


Helping to do the dishes is like solving a crossword
puzzle for children, so simple that you do not care.


That she thought I was the most handsome guy in the world must be seen in
the light of the fact that she thinks Hep Stars is the world's best band.


That I had just had the pen in my nose was just
one of many things she did not know about me.


To mature is to soon rot.


My mother used to give me an installation that
summarized all the trouble I had caused in the past year.


Behind me, I imagined, was someone who thought I was sexy as well.


Childhood is the bread. Then we live on crumbs.


The babysitter.


Treat me like an animal! I do! Not like an animal lover!


- Don´t be afraid!
- We are gays.
- we just want to be your friends.


The book, and I think Freud would have agreed
with me there, really spread its legs.


Did you also dive into snow hoping that
someone would see you and think you are cool.


Don't worry about what other people think,
the main thing is that you yourself feel cool.


She had got boobs, but no horse.


Buxbomshäck is a funny word. If you see
someone laugh, it can be because of it.


Charm, that it should be so hard to have it.


The days were so hellish that he called his nightmares cozy thrillers.


On the one hand, I did not risk being discovered,
and on the other hand, it left more to the imagination.


Partly it was the absurd that I´ve become a father,
partly a suddenly remembered Beetle Bailey strip.


That boring autumn when I got too old to steal apples
and had not yet started sleeping with his wife.


One hand was not mine, which was something new to me.


The only time I heard Dad cry, one of Mom's
rare laughs was also heard.


I hid this magazine under the mattress when
I was a teenager, to confuse my mother.


The old dream of living in the periphery, but still standing in the center.


The untrained postman misses grossly.


Someone had suddenly decided that third place was the winner.


In any case, the person who is attracted to
healthcare assistants is not looking for the money.


Those who had a knife in them, often exaggerate the size of it.


Those who rape a lion almost have my admiration.


Those who opened their advent calendars in advance
often continue with other addictions.


The bitter memory of all the fish liver oil,
which he as an orphan had to force himself to eat.


There was almost a short circuit in my readers letter's brain.


The wind blew so hard that freckles came loose.


It started with birds, until I knew the name of every single one.
I had no idea what the girls' names were.


The best thing I could give her was to blame everything on me.


The old ploy to pretend to vomit with disgust to seem hard to get.


The old saying "If you give them a little finger,
they take the whole hand", is not true.


It had already started. She smiled at the photographer.


There is nothing demeaning about me thinking of her as my
Monday ex. We were simply together for a single day, a Monday.


It was always the same thing. Eventually they were so tired of
my holiday pictures that they wanted to go to bed.


What appears to be listlessness and bad posture can, in fact,
be a strong inner joy over a pair of new fashionable shoes.


There's a man on the balcony. It's her own husband.
So she does not scream even though she wants to scream.


It looked like one of them was lazing in spilled raspberry
juice while the other one just scrubbed and scrubbed.


It looked like I was going to have to throw away dogs.


This contempt for ordinary household cheese
this contempt for weakness!


It was that damn Bosse Hägglund who made the detective club dissolve.


It was a so-called win-win situation.
While my heart was pounding for her, it also kept me alive.


It was one of those mornings when you start looking for
yourself among the obituaries in the newspaper.


It was only at an evening course in croquet that
I fully understood how complicated women are.


It was not a lone maniac. It was the whole of Härnösand.


It was not so much Dad's strap as a precocious longing
for the Reeperbahn that drove me to sea.


It was not Santa, it was the fish crazy Mr Bertilsson
who came by to talk about barracuda.


It was she herself who made herself an object
by not wanting to meet me in person.


It was Nilsson, the night porter at the Ritz, who walked around
the neighborhood and asked people if they did not want to stay in a hotel instead.


It was probably the slowest giraffe I've seen.
For a long time I thought it lived in the chimney.


It probably wasn't dyslexic woodchopping.
It was probably English hugs.


It was in those days when girls could
start dancing when I whistled at them.


It was like being happily married and also having a mistress.


It was so safe and cozy that I dared to
let go of my most repressed fantasies.


It is obvious that you have to pay when
you have had fun at someone else's expense.


It's rare for anyone to call - never, to be honest.
Rarely was in the good old days.


It's sad to see your parents fight. You can't cheer for anyone.


They were obsessed with the present.
That I was cute as a child was completely irrelevant to them.


Your asshole ! she shouted. Pure advertising.


We need to discuss your decision to live your life
in a glass jar under the sink, my father growled.


The smell of freshly washed sheets took me so far back
in time that I moaned with a child's voice.


On the radio they say that short skirts are out
and I went to the window like another idiot.


Women working double, that sexy groan.


You're drunk for the first time. Happy!
You would not even want to change with a train driver.


You're not my only one, I said,
and oh how impressed she was.


You are sick! my mother shouted and of course
I asked if I could stay home from school.


- You love me a little bit after all!
- Maybe, or you will die!


Where I had parked the car, there was now a
giant pepper mill in about the same price range.


There was another sparrow, and I had
not finished looking at the first one.


Death is all around us.


After an experience in the swimming pool,
we became obsessed with seeing things from below.


Because we played football, not fly agaric, the goal was ruled out.


A used condom floated past in the dirty water.
Yes, that love, that love, we exclaimed almost at the same time.


A banana had been lying in the pantry for so
long that it started to feel like an old friend.


A bent back in a downed chair in a company that is going bankrupt
- doesn´t the memory of all our fathers look something like that?


Some people have wounds so deep that they only laugh at funerals.


Some want to take the whole world into their arms and others
only accept a handful of people in Finspång and barely that.


Some people are too stupid to have anxiety. That's smart.


A gentleman unknown to her offered to wash the next
plate and also the next one after it if time allowed.


An ordinary day in Herbert's head.


A dog howls at the paved garage driveway.
How to make asphalt ?, it howls.


A most unpleasant man whose only mitigating
circumstance was that he was from southern Stockholm.


A highlight was that time when I woke up covered in vomit on the
night bus and thought that a new lover had served me breakfast.


A cow has four stomachs but is not aware
of it, so what the hell do I know?


A famous TV presenter fights out in the stairwell, as famous TV presenters
usually do when they are not on TV smiling and pretending.


According to her, I was not myself.
As if the sea were not the sea when it is a storm.


A crying herring is a crying herring even if he wears
a horse mask and calls himself a crying stallion.


The one-room apartment.


Alone. Only I myself could cloud my joy.


A true friend shits himself when I have done it.


An exciting stone, an exciting post,
an exciting bush - an exciting age!


A funnel, a cat, a hat and a laugh. One senses a trap.


A treelover goes too far.


One consolation is that at least I feel better now than tomorrow.


A friendly look from the lady at the checkout and
I was the center of the world again.


One single leech. It was a miserable delirium.


A stupid whim that turned out to work.


An unusual child. He is wearing a hat and on top of that
hat another hat. He had been unusual even if he was an adult.


A memory like this is worth its weight in gold if you find the right buyer.


For a while I was completely confused.
It was the stain removal bottle that had overturned.


Euphoria - was that not what you could feel until you understood what the word meant?


Damn, you really bark! Do you have a dog in your mouth?


Dad had filmed when I was born. Now he showed the film backwards.


Warning for the fish!
Dad can´t lie and we only had a fish tank.


Dad and I had decided to be afraid of folklore
instead of death and now it was over.


Dad was almost halfway through his studies to become a wiseacre.


Although he bought a whole kilo of bananas,
he had that deeply human need to cling to one.


Wrong aluminium in the aluminium he shouts.
It's stuck. It takes root.


Five weeks under a stranded rowboat is a challenge and an experience of
a completely different kind than, for example, bungee jumping


I have five apples to throw out. Then the fun is over.


If I just got my gag out, I was saved.


The bottle went around the team,
was approaching the midfield.


The success was devastating to my confidence.
Compared to it, I felt so small.


Until little Hampus got a female from me,
our lives were pretty much identical.


Strangers broke into my room and took me away to their country.


Drunk for sure, but not more drunk than I knew
that it was me crawling home on the floor.


Makes me think of Hasse Alfredson. He grew up in a house.


In order to avoid hearing the imminent ringing of the alarm clock,
she takes a job in a sheet metal shop in her dream.


To avoid experiencing yet another appreciative
applause, she refuses to let go of his hand.


For me who already then knew I would speak about my
life on radio, this was really like a goldmine.


She was asleep the first time we met.


At first I did not understand that it was my wife.
The sounds she made were unfamiliar to me.


First of all, it was my father who taught me to swim.


First the school, after that the grades.


At first she thought he was in the middle of a jump.


At first he was our idol because he could hold his breath for
so long and then everything was tragedy, tragedy.


The neighbour's response to that my grass was greener.


Are you crying Plutten, you were so happy just now?
Yes, it used to be better in the old days.


Porridge under leaves has never hurt anyone.


Old Mr Enoksson had something and
what he had seemed timeless.


Old Mr Grimlund was furious at one according
to him - and ourselves - a too high quiz question.


The old man with the baby legs was allowed to join.


God is everywhere, he asserted stubbornly, and struck wildly around him.


God, if I only had a woman.... or if I were one?


Gudrun's goldfish had died, but when she stirred with a ladle,
the difference was not so great.


Had I been a little more handsome, I would have been happy with Ingrid,
and if I had been a little uglier, I would have been happy with Maud.


As usual, Halvar had prepared at home, and was
far ahead of us in the evening's program.


He ordered a Chateau Cos d´Estournel-86 and with
my background of course thought it was the percentage.


He used to sit on an old chest of drawers when I was tinkering
with the engine. It was he who discovered that I had started losing my hair.


He dreams of closeness. About being able to
exchange binoculars for a magnifying glass.


He hadn´t laughed so much since the war.


He had intended to drown himself in the well, saw his face at
the bottom of it and then thought it had already been done.


He called it "preparing with the neighbour".


He puts the book down and wakes up his wife:
You turn off the light, right?


He reminded her of a famous biblical character. At first he had
stopped working after a week and then mostly caused misery.


His girlfriend´s colleague´s husband´s cousin´s
neighbour in the countryside was a balloon.


He screamed and he shouted but now it was actually
my turn to have the swim ring for a while.


His somewhat elaborate approaches could
take on the most touching expressions.


He never got tired of shooting the poor moose.


He did not want to talk about their relationship.
He wanted to observe fruit.


He's not into unnecessary talk.
He gathers them all and says it´s over.


-He is afraid of everything.
- In a week he will only be afraid of me.


- My tea mug is wet!
- Yes, I put tea in it.
- Yes, you made it wet!


Do you have a wolf inside of yourself, Cissi, I asked Kerstin, and she
just stared at me as if I were a clothesline that the sun had just set in front of.


- Have you forgot what day it is today?
- No, when I have read the newspaper you will receive it as a gift.


Have you ever hated someone so much you could
commit murder? Yes, but that would be suicide.


If you have anxiety about death, it is no
comfort to know that it will one day end.


Hasse dropped out of high school during a school trip.


Hi, she said, and I did not say anything,
because the echo took care of that thing.


All that summer I played that I was a peasant boy
who disappeared farther and farther into madness.


My whole family distanced themselves from my laugh at a dead bird.


Visiting rich people´s homes. The Christmas decorations room.


At home, there was no talk of a god - except on
Saturday nights when he was shouted straight out.


Called home by a stepmother.


My God, what are you thinking about?
Thinking and thinking, I'm not a thinker like you father.


The ways of the Lord are truly mysterious. I found
God during a tenant-owner association meeting.


The hibiscus people lived in a large hibiscus
and Larsa Lindström was their face outwards.


She was at a distance from which the giant platypus
would have looked normal size if she had seen it.


She started comparing me and my son in appearance
and pleasing enough it was to my advantage.


She starts talking about her guts, about who she is deep down.


She asks if both rails go the same distance.
Otherwise she does not want to go by train.


She had asked me to buy grapes - but how many had she said?


She brought two bags, one with ducks, one with bread.


She is wearing her new red dress.
Too red thinks an evil pine tree.


She has travelled all the way from Växjö to
throw the engagement ring in my face, and she misses.


She knows no English. She's too young.
Says, for example, Martin Luther Kung.


She maybe works as a teacher, or "teacher" as it
is called in one of the languages she maybe teaches.


She claimed she was Pippi Longstocking and I believed her,
because who wants to sleep with a maniac?


She looked like someone who would
run out naked during a hailstorm.


She was allergic to pollen and he had said
bless you every time she sneezed.


She was probably older than thirty, but for me she was brand new.


She loved me above everything else in the world.
A soulmate in other words.


The hope of someone with only one set of
clothes is probably the last thing that dies.


- Damn dog! Actually he wanted to say something else to someone else.


How glorious and full of promise is the night for a first-time drunk?


Pouring sauce powder on rabbits and thinking the food is ready.


Healthier than smoking but socially stigmatizing.


High IQ is dangerous.


Did she hear it correctly?
Had the dog barked wow?


Hear how the bees buzz and the flowers shut up.


Autumn leaves are falling.
Breasts are growing behind books about horses.


Sometimes I wished I was her.
Then I would have been in love too.


In the bench behind me sat Sören, the school joker.


In the state I was in, I didn't know if I was about
to start a fight or offer someone a chair.


In a dream you never really know how you will react.
You can be afraid of a squirrel or fall in love with one.


In an alternate story, God's idea to do something with
Adam's rib never became a reality.


In a dream where the women were birds, I was a tallow ball.


In a cottage in Sälen it went downhill without skis.


If the gap had been a little higher up, I would have looked just like Adolf Hitler.


For many years I did not dare to pass older people, in the belief that
I would then pass them in terms of age and thus die first.


Dentist. No holes! Did you think so?


No intellectual bastard should come and impress us ordinary athletes.


Into the stove. It was his usual way of escaping from all responsibility.


It wasn´t only her, everyone thought he was an idiot.


Oranges did not help. I was already on my way to the nearest liquor store.


I did not know that I was blocking the view of my sister.


It´s not Tuesday today, right? No, I saved
yesterday's semla bun to confuse you.


The moment I saw my fiancée on her way to the city hall with my
best friend, the car made a devastating U-turn for all three of us.


On the slope behind the school, I sat,
as so often, in non-teacher-led thoughts.


Instead of writing, I tore the paper to pieces.
Instead of being a writer, I became an artist.


Instead of a kilo of grapes, she bought two. She was so crazy.


Instead of changing my diet, I chose places that were not beaches.


In each group there was one person who was in command of the view.


I accused myself that I had not long ago noticed
these signs of a dawning defiance in Agnes


I considered myself so handsome that I could avoid using charm.


I just gaped, partly because I was eating,
partly because she was so beautiful.


I should go into analysis but there is always something in between.


I never used to have stomach problems,
and she had thought I had left her for good.


I did not usually poke my nose with the pipe shaft
and now I absolutely did not intend to do so.


I danced to a much cooler song than the idiots on the dance floor.


I drank quite heavily at the time, and my first
delirium did not make me change my habits.


I still didn´t realize that I had actually fled from it all.


I didn´t understand how you could draw hair without drawing
every single hair. But that was the way it was about most things.


I had everything you could wish for, a family
to come home to and a family to escape from.


I had a dream about Povel Ramel, but not that
kind of dream you want to have about Povel Ramel.


I had a bad childhood but luckily it was me who was the bad one.


I had given my teacher a stolen apple and then
she got caught for handling of stolen goods.


I would have liked to have continued the discussion about whether there
were two or three masts in Nacka, but he wanted me to come to the window
so that we could look for ourselves, the bloody empiricist.


I had not intended to be a weightlifter but a
pipe smoker, but then I had no mouth muscles


I had managed to make an ointment that made me
invisible and so I ruined everything with my prudery.


I had been drawing a flower but
ran away afraid of overdoing it.


I was hitchhiking. So far, three hundred kilometers of a
silent trader in the wood products business next to me.


I'm not menstruating, I have murdered!
he shouted, but no one believed him.


I have been among posh people. I have heard "urine rat"
growled and "excrement boot" screamed.


I hated collecting stamps, but if you had sworn at your father's
deathbed to dedicate your life to philately, you had to.


I hated the city and just wanted to come out of there.
Which, of course, in a way, I already did because I was born there.


I called her Jönsson half the night,
before she told me she just shared the apartment.


I entered a room whose window faced the interior of a sick human being.


I compensated for my pale skin with brown swimming trunks.


I soon came to the conclusion that it would be quicker to steal jam.


I felt it immediately. That was not a grip, it was a hug.


I was not looking for mushrooms. I was looking for a god.


I remember when I spelled Jesus so wrong.


I remember Ellinor, the bad kid in the neighbourhood.


I remember when Uncle Holger went around the corner.


I remember when a cat kicked me and I kicked back at it.


I remember when Mrs Fridh realized that her rug
suffered from the weight of the furniture.


I remember the fence they put up around the
school so it would start to interest us.


I remember the really ambitious pupils,
or the Nazis as we called them.


I have to admit that one part of me really likes TV shows like this,
on the other hand, when I am partying I often like everything and everyone.


I enjoyed it to the fullest, and then I still just lay in the bushes and watched.


I said I was married, so she would not
think I just wanted her because I was alone.


I said I loved autumn. She said that autumn is
spring for the coward. I said I had said I loved the horse.


I said things when we drank coffee, which you
really should only say when you drink alcohol.


I drank my beer calmly. During the desperate late hours,
there was always someone willing to redefine their image of the dream prince.


I turned down the heat to get a topic of conversation.


I would think things over. I thought mostly of
chloroform and different kinds of pliers.


I killed a snake without feeling happy but
I have never really been able to enjoy myself.


I should watch out for dirty old men and grandfather was really dirty.


I saw a pile of snow that was similar to the feeling I have.


I took a few days off to figure out a tree branch.


I got into the habit of never changing underwear. In this way,
it became something of a relief to return home alone.


I thought it was dad who was Santa, but it was me!


I actually thought it was a pair of binoculars and that she was stupid.


I thought I was alone, but afterwards I
was told that the scrotum had been seen.


I thought it was underwear weather but it was even warmer.


- I really like you, Peter!
- And who cares about what girls think?


I was a seeker but no finder.


I was a real charming troll, so it was
important not to get the tail in the wheel.


I was five year old but the idiot in the attic
bragged about having the intelligence of a six year-old.


I had acne well into my forties, which made
many teenagers think I was one of them.


I was too handsome to be a voyeur,
everyone said that to me.


I was his only friend and he really wanted two.


I was in the kitchen and had just turned on the cold water tap when
the phone rang out in the hall. As so often, it was an error call but it
didn´t matter, because in the meantime the water had become really cold and tasty.


I was happily married but with too few.


I was special when I was a kid.
I had put it there myself. (Kick here, hard!)


I didn´t know so much about birds. I thought it was an ostrich
that had hidden its head in the sand and then forgot it there.


I was so afraid of women that I felt sorry for him.


I know that you should not judge people, but ever since my father
beat me because I swore at the breakfast table, I hate Swedes.


I wanted to enjoy life, but I backed off.


I wanted to see the midsummer pole, not the idiots around it.


I knew it myself. I was not a good child.


I knew exactly where I was, but as a tourist you want to ask about directions.


I only dared to approach women when I had been
drinking and it wasn´t an easy thing even then.


I'm not a real doctor, he admitted. I'm the kind of doctor children pretend to be.


I'm a furrier, I shouted, to get the shit knocked out of me once and for all.


Yes, I'm still talking about the same Jämtland, I shouted at the stupid kids.


Juhani was from Finland. Every day he was from Finland.


Just returned from Sunday school, he points out that the
firstborn can become a killer if the parents eat fruit.


He woke up during the best part.
The tongue moves around in the empty nothing.


Fucking alcoholic! Shut up lamp!


Coffee in bed? Yes, thank you.


Donald Duck! she yelled, just because
I was walking around without trousers.


Could have been love, could have been just a good mood.


Can't we play something else instead?
I mooed because we were playing cows.


The cat that had recently died was his only point of reference.


You should avoid women who hide their sneezes, my grandfather whispered.


The view of women was different then.
Four and a half on new adventures.


Twigs had scratched their clothes.
Parts of their bodies had been exposed.


Larsa's father was taller than mine. We saw that clearly now.


Lazy bastards, I thought.


Her smile that night was so big that
there were no cheeks left to kiss her on.


Little Anna!


It was still cool to be born and raised in a city
that was in a province that looked like an Indian.


Life is good. As usual without my participation.


Life's journey may be difficult, but it is a one-way ticket.


Happiness is to have someone who tells you
what you have missed when you had to pee.


Slowly, ominously slowly, he crossed the railway tracks,
he who did not get a place at acting school.


Bored. Flushes without having peed.


Locked front door protects children from kitchen drawer with knives.


Let's call him X, the man who got a disproportionate amount of snow in his eyes.


Blahhh.... cooties!
Long, far too long, I had my childlike mind.


For a long time I lived in the delusion that pussy was called broom in English.


Sneaky fly agaric.


Mom, why is dad never helping us?
Cleaners don´t turn me on.


You are born, you bide your time, you step forward.


You can not both eat the cookie and keep it,
but you can have a lot of cookies.


You can't live on old victories, if they are
not the only ones up for grabs, that is.


You can't force people to like you,
but you can at least try.


You see what you want to see. A sunset
could be the dawn of a classless society.


Starting at her elbow, she was turning into a corn crake.


But she may not have had sex. It could be a Jesus.


- But why did you change sex, grandpa, and at your age?

- Women live longer.


Most of all I remember how
happy I was that it wasn´t me.


Micke and his latest five year plan.


My snorts were completely overwhelmed
by their idiotic zest for life.


My authoritarian teaching during the history
lessons was already beginning to show visible results


My joy did not concern her or the
chewing gum. I was in my own world.


The mink was not protected, so it was just a matter of aiming.


My orientation was such that I was reluctant
to look at geese when I felt observed.


My mother. That´s where I was born.


My bike bell was broken but I would rather
crash into people than saying "plingeling".


My son!


My son was only three years old and
already had more friends than me.


My lone wobbling to the City Hotel had a completely
different quality than my lone wobbling home.


My contempt for you is undiminished
but I need a big big hug.


The only kiss of my life, and then I was not even conscious.


My Mom Dad Help! led to mom having to comfort
dad who was sad because he was mentioned last.


My goal is not to become the best,
but to already be best.


Soft vowels, that's all you have come up with?


-Mom, but you've been dead for eight years!
-Yes, now it's the end of death.


The morning dew that penetrated her thin
soles of shoes had now reached her eyes.


Mom sounds like they do on TV when they find a corpse.


Mommy was afraid that I would drown
and dad was turned on by fear.


Many detective stories awaken one's own
murderous desire. You want to kill the author.


Lake Mälaren is, despite its size, easy to count.


The killer, the victim and the victim's victim.


No, I´m not a mods, I said
It´s the direction of the wind.


Nine months later he became a grandfather.


You're wondering, of course, why I'm carrying around a
floor lamp here in the woods. Such is my disposition.



I probably knew what I was doing, but not
in that basic way as if I were myself.


No, I´m not a motherfucker, you
must mean my father, I said.


Normally she didn´t want to swim,
but now that it didn´t work, she wanted to.


The nudist bath was deserted, but
the sign was there all year round.


Now only a fiancée was missing.


Now there were only four minutes left before
tonight's TV transmission will begin.


You can thank animals for some of your best childhood memories.


Some Danish postmen had crossed the strait and continued
further north to provoke with their good spirit.


Some things you never see:
Other people's dreams, flying saucers from above.


When the child you were sees the person you became as an adult.


When one wants a dog and the other doesn't,
you have to be open to compromises.


When the other guys whistled,
I just pouted silently with my mouth.


When your wife leaves you after seventeen happy years,
how do you know then that a toaster is a toaster?


When the bottle was empty, he became nostalgic
and began to long for the time when it wasn´t.


When the neighbor played Black Sabbath for open windows,
Mona countered with Baudelaire.


When I told her about my ex girlfriends,
she became as sentimental as I was.


When I was not allowed to join,
I played civil war instead.


When I entered the store, my worries were only about
a pair of pants. Now they included the whole of me.


When I said she was the woman in my life,
she lit up so I could see and read.


When I see a lonely person, I see someone
who is the center of their life.


When I dialed my own number the line was busy,
so maybe I wasn't so alone after all.


When I was a kid it was Benke..
Now it´s his kids instead!


When I was small, everything was fine. The format suited me.


When I was little I was so small that
I could not see how small I was.


When you are sitting pretty, you can
eat as much garlic as you like.


When you stand there, it's easy to start thinking about who will
one day stand and stare at the other person's gravestone.


When you were small, all boobs were big!


When you are happy, how ridiculous
you behave, how happy you are.


When you are handsome, what does it matter
that the ski poles are too short?


When my right hand was busy with something
else, my left hand used the opportunity.


When Dad and that fat woman were in the cabin,
I had to drive the boat all by myself.


When the poster hung in the kitchen, she had not said a word
- and now suddenly I had a "sick mind"?


When Snoopy was popular in the 1960s, you could actually
get girls by lying on the roof and looking a little sad.


When the tears come, he crouches and pretends to be doing something technical.


When we were playing, it was probably just me who asked myself the question, why?


Oh a bottle of wine, a reindeer can not think that.
Wondering what it's thinking instead?


Wow, as many girls as a buzzard have wings!
I think in my slightly subtle way.


Accidents that did not affect myself personally,
I had once and for all decided to face them with a laugh.


If you take after me, it's going to be tough for you, Dad said.


If she shaved her armpits, that bastard could come with
the hammer and claim that she was doing a Hitler salute.


If I were the shit they claimed, they would hardly step on me.


If I were approaching death, I would also walk slowly.


If I were to repair the spokes for a while?


Considering its former position, it was like in heaven now.


If you are not allowed to beat the one who is weaker than yourself,
then how will you ever be able to win?


If you pee on a rapeseed field, it is not easy to know when you are done.


If you spill beer on your pants, it may look
like you have peed on yourself and vice versa.


If you don't believe in God or an afterlife, there
is only one consolation. That you are wrong.


Unnecessarily large hole maybe, but I was
hoping it would attract female ice swimmers.


Ornithologists without borders.


Daddy, daddy, have you bought any sweets?
Sweets? Do you think I am some kind of pedophile?


Dad was a pike for many years. Then he had
- as he said - if not better, at least other plans.


Dad was terrified that my incompetence
would spill over to his good reputation.


Pelle did not get any Saturday candy.
He was referred to dirty old men.


The piano teacher suddenly went crazy and
started twisting when listening to Für Elise.


Suddenly we were so well paid that we could throw away tea.


Suddenly the camera zooms out and becomes interested in a clematis.


He is against pornography? Hmm..


Just like there are big old pikes, there are big old lemon butterflies


Just like in the fairy tale, I was turned into a
swan, but I was not allowed to join anyway.


In this way, I was both where I should be and wanted to be.


On Kungsholmsgatan he stumbles upon a bird.
An ostrich? A vulture? What does he know about birds?


At night I dream about my job. During the day it happens.


The Easter holiday was over.


In the countryside there are no
streetcorners where you can hang around.


On the way to her house on Sibyllegatan, we happened
to pass the home for naughty upper-class girls.


The zeal with which he brought his daughter to the
car, should have made me suspect trouble.


The director was never really satisfied.


Principal Vallinder's butt was so big, when he swung around the corner of the house,
it looked for a moment as if a very small bust queen was heading in the other direction.


- Rickard!
- I am alright now!


Calling my mom naked is something.


The ring already felt heavy. I drove towards Mordor.


Roffe was not first, but he was one of the first.


Rushing through life to end up in a pit, I guess we all do that.


The fear of discovery was nothing
against the desire to twist, twist.


All of a sudden, most often in a dream, the nose falls off.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Always double check that the stove is switched off.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Accuse someone of blocking today's news broadcast.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Hire someone to wipe my snot.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Using a ruler when it´s not necessary.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Using my offspring as an airbag.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Using my wife as a darkroom.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Envy a lump of dough.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Ask a blind person for help up a hill.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Ask a friend to poke my nose when I'm busy with other things.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Reinforce the gender roles of the next generation.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Talk to a pig about Christmas.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Answer the neighbor's wild partying with bad breath.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Pay to have a blind removed.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Offer fermented herring to hide your own gases.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Burn my shoelaces to avoid being tempted strangling a section manager.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Camping during a game of table tennis.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Deliver my annual production to the Sperm Bank.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Clean my teacup a little more carefully than hers.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Drown the cat so the rats can dance on the table.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Offer someone a super thumbtack experience.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Fingering my shirt button waiting for something better.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Refine the evening's toilet scribbles in advance.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Ask my wife's midwife to marry me.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Moisten father's finger when he wants to turn the pages of the newspaper.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Believing that it is the bull.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Fell a tree to see how old it got.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Trying to pawn a murder weapon.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Give in to the boy's insistent plea
for a peephole into our bedroom


Things I would never dream of doing:
Publish the children's book "The monkey that had its tail in front".


Things I would never dream of doing:
Feed my pig all the way into the slaughterhouse.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Hide my pornographic images in a roller blind.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Have myself as a pet.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Support the orcs.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Rather hold my own hand than someone else's.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Agree with my son's bully about most things.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Hang a mirror at hip height.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Imitate my dad when he is drunk.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Saying "What an ugly hat" when I have a similar one myself.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Call a jar of anchovies in a glass of water for aquarium.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Cast loving glances at my wife to make the children jealous.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Bend the remaining nails to avoid building a playhouse.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Selling eels illegally.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Lean my bike against a municipal worker.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Slowly push a golf peg into the neck of a nymph parakeet.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Pretend to have a family.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Read with your ass.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Bully the cucumber by just saying "Hey liver pate!"


Things I would never dream of doing:
Settle for the bait.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Powder the baby for a month at a time.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Call out my name in case they want to tattoo it on their bodies.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Call for Pippi Longstocking without using vowels.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Accidentally drop a crooked nail instead of taking it to recycling.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Voluntarily take a lower position than my secretary.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Chuckle at women´s driving.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Looking in the mirror when my girlfriend has a migraine attack.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Using the hammer like a nazi.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Secretly paint Hitler's mustache.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Spray hormoslyr on other things than weeds.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Splash dog poop on children.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Start a world war.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Lock up the rooster to avoid competition.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Putting Band-Aids on a Blood Orange.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Searching for the meaning of life along the floor.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Look for new ways to use my lighter after I quit smoking.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Check the temperature on strangers.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Compensate for my bad fishing luck on chickens.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Terrorize the surroundings with a saliva machine.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Torture potatoes just to have it done and being able to move on.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Alert friends and acquaintances to the
erotic potential of birdhouses.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Act prejudiced against Romanians.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Make up for a loss in table tennis with skills in shooting.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Wave goodbye to someone who is drowning.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Show the boy how fast time flies when you get older.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Choosing basketball instead of swimming with the baby.


Things I would never dream of doing:
Engage in excessive self-criticism.


Shh... I heard something. It's probably just a swan.


Then the neighbors came and showed just as little respect.


Do you also see small pink elephants?
Yes, of course, do you think I´m blind?


Sex is something beautiful, she used to say,
making sure I would not come too quickly.


His last summer he saw two young women, that
he was happy to take with him if possible.


Sivert had no nickname.


Sixten lived just a stone's throw away.


The lake, from which the cries for help came,
was outside of our empathetic range


The shame of seeing my father cry was mixed
with the pride of noticing him having a mistress.


Should we have sex, I asked, and the answer was both yes and no.


Sending my new girlfriend to break up with my previous one.
I wouldn´t dream of doing that these days.


The shadow wanted in there, so it was just a matter of hanging on.


Should anyone catch us, it looked like
we had just scored a goal.


The small birds were my only friends, well, the small bird then.


Soon
Now


Sniff, sniff, I smell a relative, chuckled Torsten
whose sister´s daughter she was.


We only played snails because it was so lovely
to be human again when the game was over.


Good-looking people sleep beautiful.


As a child, I was extremely gullible. They tricked me into the well.
They made me think I could speak German.


As the most handsome bachelor in the area, Birger was rarely
allowed to lie in peace for a long time, and we knew that.


Falling asleep in one ice wake, waking up in another.


"As a particle physicist you learn less and less",
was a joke he had heard too often by now.


The bedroom door half opened was
the only sex education I received.


Stefan, what are you doing? I will rather die than going to
a parents meeting and feeling left out again.


Stop, stop, you do not think I rented an entire
suite just for us to huddle in one room?


My son comes home crying and tells me that the other children do not
want to play with him. I try, as best I can, to hide my contempt.


Sven-Erik was a mature child.
Learned to read as a one-year-old, retired at seven.


I had been skinking this deep.


As happy as you can get from a couple of glasses of wine,
you should avoid being overwhelmed by the shortcomings of your loved ones.


As soon as she got into a car, she started
thinking how many more kilometers she would live.


As long as my mother was around, I didn´t have to worry about the chimney sweep.


So true. While waiting for the prince you can enjoy yourself with dwarfs.


Thanks to increasing senility, they had forgotten that they hated each other.


The idea of diving from the highest to show the bastards turned five years old.


Mrs Andersson used to offer us cough drops or "boobie candy"
as she used to say when she was a bit drunk.


Take two, he said. I took three. I was ready for a fight.


During the coffee and cognac we had dropped the titles,
but in the wee hours they started calling me Sir again.


To my great disappointment, it was not me
receiving hug but he who had caught a fish.


Even an egocentric like me occasionally thought of others.


- Look, there is a fire in that playhouse!
- This is Djursholm, Herbert. It is a children´s sauna.


Look, a gray mouse, Anne-Marie shouted,
who was both color-blind and dyslexic.


Look, a blast furnace! It's a tree branch. Yes, I used the wrong word.


Look, a flying saucer, she shouted.
But I was already looking at a Christmas gnome.


Look, how beautiful!
Yes, we should write poetry!


Tobias on the other side of the street used to buy lined notebooks,
which he then made squared to impress the maths teacher.


Tommy Holmgren was a vegetarian, but not everyone
knew that this was the reason for his nickname "cucumber".


Torgny, where are you?
Director of studies, or did you ask where I was?


On the third of Advent, Dad had enough of Christmas.


Do you think you look good, huh? Do you think you have long blonde hair, huh?


Despite my condition, I was able to continue my
midsummer celebrations thanks to faithful friends.


Despite her poor grades, she was no dumber than she
threw the grades, and not herself in the river.


Tight spaces in the lower teens.


Two busty cranes that supply an entire city with electricity.
In nine cases out of ten, it's just a dream.


Apparently someone from the writing
course had walked into the croquis.


What if there is nothing after death?
What if all my kindness is in vain?


Uffe stole like a raven. Once I found
my ski wax in the pocket of his jacket.


During the time it took for me to become as cool as everyone
else, the atmosphere had undergone a noticeable change.


During my desperate attempts to free myself
from my handcuffs, I discovered what a nice ass I have.


Wondering what he's dreaming about? He dreams of Africa.
A large lion eats him. It's just fun.


The youth was now behind me, much like potato puree that you also pass.


Bachelor life: Waking up just before eleven o´clock
and then off to buy breakfast at 7 Eleven.


Outside the regular timetable, an unlicensed train rolls
onto the platform and attracts less careful travelers.


Dressed up as a linking and adorable pony,
we approached the riding school.


How mean you are, she said. And how nicely said is that?


Feeling sorry for? I myself have only two legs and no wings.


What the hell are you doing, cupboard corner creep!


What I didn't think about was that I was also growing.


What could they want from me, other than to
see my collection of Swedish conductor clips


What are you reading? When you asked
I was reading tablespoon but now I´m reading butter.


What are you?....and why are you blocking
the largest part of my coffee table?


What is more natural than drowning your horse where there is water.


Why her breasts got bigger and bigger was a thought that had not yet struck him.


Was I a pole vaulter or a stationmaster? Their curiosity was awakened.


Every night he took out his pornographic
pictures, or "drawings" as he called them.


Every Thursday he was running away from home and
each time pea soup was the reason behind the decision.


What do you think of the wallpapers then? his father slurred,
though he was sober, afraid of appearing feminine.


The days of the week are as many as the
dwarfs in Snow White - and finally it was Dopey.


This week´s double.


This week´s lifesaver.
Pelle, please give me a pen and a paper!
No!


This week´s message.
I am sorry, Ulla, but i´ve met someone else./Åke
PS: This is what she looks like.


This week´s verse.
A memory, a summer from ancient times, slips by quickly
An owl dives, claws at my primitive pornography.


Anyone could see that I was on the verge
of a nervous breakdown. But I was not just anyone.


Who was she, she who was heading in the wrong
direction if she was heading in my direction.


We used to tease Nisse because he was wearing glasses. Once we took them
from him, but then he started teasing us because we had glasses.


We used to stand and smoke outside on the headland,
me a bit outside the group, without cigarettes.


By this time, they had probably forgotten the
clerk in the pet store. I was their master now.


At the boiler plant, Bosse Lindholm stood and
wondered if he was very early or very late.


We had a Hitler club in Hasse's basement.
Most of the time we played table tennis.


We had a new neighbour and I just cried and wanted to move.


We were not allowed to go near the edge, because
then we would be able to look down on the Sami people.


We had not seen each other since middle
school but I looked the same, she thought.


We had not seen each other since childhood but now
the different paths we had walked came together.


We may be the only ones in the whole world
who do like this in Vetlanda right now.


I was happy that they did not laugh at me, but at my clothes.


What anxiety! How will I handle this when I'm sober?


We humans need both the great love and the
lonely tinkering in a corner of the garage.


We played Alfapet (scrabble) and he gave me a luvsnyting as proof of the word's existence


Admittedly a blank lottery ticket, but pink was my favourite colour.


Sure damn it hurt but I had not eaten in a week.


Sure, it would have been better if I brought
her flowers, but that wouldn´t have been me.


Of course, you can get a little bitter that a certain
kind of extra kilos is valued higher than others.


Of course I love you Elsa. You are no exception.


Sure, it's fun to see the kids grow up, but it goes so damn slowly.


We thought that exciting books are better than
boring ones, but apparently we are wrong.


We were concrete kids and said
no to twigs, chirping and such stuff.


We were in Norway. I insisted we should order Norwegian wine.


We were both so attractive that we did not dare to
stay in the same room as long as the children were awake.


We were so poor that I learned to ride a bike on a rock.


We loved each other and talked badly
about others and eventually vice versa.


We loved each other very much, but most of all we loved beavers.


Daring is a well-known aphrodisiac.


This spring´s first wood anemones,
and here I come with my big black shoes.


Worthless in high jump, worthless in long jump,
so what was left to me but the depth of the mind?


Värmland, she whispers. The world is expanding.


Wow, breakfast and dinner at the same time!


- Do you love me? I asked, to stop him from heading the ball.


My friends stole apples and pears and plums.
I was the only one, as far as I know, who stole blinds.


Is it you, Einar? Rather not.


If you are fatherless, it is not so strange that you spy on fathers.


Even with one or two experienced orienteers,
she succeeded in sowing a seed of doubt.


My uncle also treated me like an adult.

TILLBAKA (BACK)